God

earlier tonight i was extremely frustrated with the cards i've been dealt in my life... i found myself upset with God. being upset with God is not a feeling i'm familiar with. nonetheless i felt it. i just felt so hopeless and helpless, i was just drowning in self pity to be frank.

just now i was pondering my attitude earlier tonight and it was completely wrong. i knew it as i was doing it, but my flesh took over. who am i to question God? to tell him he could have done better for me? how stupid.. how selfish. the God who gave me life, who sacrificed his perfect son for me. and i'm telling Him he could have done better? done more? what is wrong with me? and really, what is wrong with us as the human race? we are so ungrateful for everything we have, which all, directly and indirectly, does come from God.

i don't get us. i don't get me. we always want more, we always want what we don't have. we never appreciate what we do have. all God ever asked for was for us to believe in Him and to love others. we can't even do that. we say such cruel things about people and also about God. we hate and envy and gossip and yet want God to bless us?

how do we feel it's ok asking God for help when we hurt him so much?
it's just a drink, it's just a little lie, it's just disobeying my parents, it's just experiencing my youth... oh and by the way, can you bless me financially, Lord? can you promise me a secure future? can you help me find my significant other? it's been too long. i don't feel like waiting or trusting that you'll bring it all in your own perfect timing. i want it now.
this is basically what we're saying to God and sounds foolish, doesn't it?

yet God loves us so much that he does bless us, hoping we'll turn to Him, instead we turn away, and walk further and further... then beg for his forgiveness again... and then repeat it all a couple more times.

i was extremely wrong to be upset with God tonight, over my stupid insignificant personal problems compared to the bigger issues in the world. i know there is a reason for the cards God dealt me, and only when i figure it out will i truly begin to understand His great power and knowledge and goodness...and even then i will know little.