light

sometimes it's just so hard to have faith in anyone, even myself. it's hard to keep trying when i see no results. i am glad that i at least have not lost faith in God. i do believe that everything will work out in the end, but it is the present time that i struggle with. how do i deal with what's happening now? it's in our nature to doubt the good and expect to worst...

sometimes i feel so far from God and then i realize that it's my fault, which makes me feel worse. the one being that is abundantly sufficient and i can't even manage to allow Him to help.

why do i have weeks of complete dedication and trust in Him and then the next week lose it all? it must break His heart. i can't even imagine how many times i've broken His heart... that actually reminds me of a song from Hillsongs United that goes "and how many times have i broken your heart, and still you forgive if only i ask" and i think that's just beautiful. He's always there, waiting, hoping, loving, and believing in me. He is the last string that holds me together. He is my light.