Releasing the past.

Today was not a good day, to say the least. I am a combination of many emotions but hurt and anger are the most dominant.

I recently started restoring my relationship with God, and I’ve been so happy about it. I don’t want to ever go back to that place where the second something bad happens, I become too overwhelmed to pray. I don’t know why people do that, when we need God the most, we push Him away the most. It’s weird. But this time, through my situation I want to stay close to Him and allow him to comfort me. It’s not as easy as just doing it. It takes a lot of effort to let God in. To put away my frustrations and just give them up to Him.

Sometimes I desire to hold onto the things that have hurt me, because they’re mine, and they define what happened to me, and giving them away is scary because it means I no longer have an excuse to wallow in my grief when I’m not having a good day.

I have come to learn that it takes courage to give your troubles to God, and allow him to replace it with peace and joy. It harder to be happy, because you have to choose it. You have to choose to move on, and you have to never look back. But I’ve also learned that God takes care of us. He wants to be there for us and get us to trust Him enough so that we give up our pains and heartaches to him so he could give us a better life, one full of joy and laughter and peace.

So I’m giving up these feelings of hurt and anger that have completely consumed me today. I’m releasing them, and by doing so, I will allow God to fulfill me with Him instead. And it doesn’t mean I will never think of the things that I’m letting go of, but when I do think of them they will not have the power to hurt me or make me angry anymore.