Trusting God's Word

When people ask me questions about my beliefs, most of the time I can explain exactly why I believe certain things and clearly state the reasoning behind them.

But sometimes on certain topics the truth really is "I believe it simply because the Bible says it." Yes, there are times when I myself don't understand, sometimes it doesn't even make sense to me yet.

But I have this absolute trust in the word of God that I am willing to obey it and believe it, not because I understand every single thing in it, but because I fiercely trust God's judgement and there is not a fibre of my being that doubts His goodness. I know that though I may not understand now, there is a valid purpose for everything written in that book, and one day I will understand the things my mind cannot currently fathom.

I know to non-Christians it sounds ludicrous. How can you believe something you don't even see the reasoning behind? Like I said, there's only a few topics that this happens where I can't really grasp WHY it has to be this way, but when that confusion does come, I just trust in God. Some people call it blind faith, but simple faith is really all it is.

We cannot limit the Bible to our human understanding when it is the word of God, a God who is much greater than we are and whose knowledge is limitless. Sometimes, we have to put it into His hands and trust in His sovereignty.

I love Him because He first loved me.

Who was this disgusting fleshly being that I had become? Or more accurately so, that I was. All the King’s glory that once was within me I traded over for quick thrills. There is no satisfaction in any of what I choose over my King but I chose it all anyway. In my mind was engraved the ideas that the poor offerings of the world were capable of filling my glass, yet in my heart I knew He was the only one who can fill it to overflow. My King was patient with me. He had the authority and the power to end me for a wide variety of transgressions, which all were equally as shameful. Yet He had chosen to have grace towards me. I pondered the reasons but my mind couldn’t fathom such kindness for a peasant such as myself. A peasant, yes, was how I had grown to see myself. My greatest talent was begging for mercy, another chance, and dare I say, forgiveness. Stupid of me to even request such things, yet the King offered them up gladly. “I care not what you have done” He said, “I care only about you.”

When I was alone I wept because I was unworthy. But most of all, because I had fallen in love with the King, the very king I continued to wrong. I screamed in frustration to the air demanding how perfection could even look upon me in my torn dirty rags. I was a mess, unclean and always falling. My diseases continued to thrive in me and I wished so desperately to be relieved of them, but they became a part of me.

But nonetheless my King told me He loved me, that He wanted to walk hand in hand with me. It was then my desperate attempt to fix myself began. In my life all I knew was that I loved Him therefore I would clean myself up, I would make myself worthy for Him. I would do anything to be by His side, the only one who has ever loved me.

I cleaned up and people were shocked. I changed my life around for my King. People were impressed and so was I. I had become a sight to see, people began to look up to me. But when I called for my King He was silent. I began to feel worried. He would not say a word. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. I clinged to the memory of when He told me He loved me… I would yell out to him on mountain tops, asking where He was… He never answered.

The wickedness inside me began to seep through. My discouragement led to other things, which caused me to stray away from the One I claimed loyalty to. I could not bare the pain of being alone. I told myself I did all I could and slowly lost hope. As time passed, I stopped searching for my King. I thought of Him throughout the day, knowing He was always going to be my first and only love. But I gave up searching for Him.

One night, a knock at my door. I opened it to see the King. I fell to my knees at the sight of Him. I put my arms around His legs and begged Him not to leave me. “Where were you? Why didn’t you answer me?” I cried and cried at His feet. He looked at me and said “my lovely, I have been waiting for you but you never gave me your hand. But fret not, I am here. You have no need to perfect yourself for I am perfection and I am your King. Walk with me, hand in hand, that is all I ever wanted from you, my dear. The rest will come.”

As I gave Him my hand peace washed over me. I realized then that all I ever had to do was reach out to Him, and He would save me.

Intimate

I’ve come to love You as one would love their husband. This relationship feels as real if not more real than any relationship I have with anyone. You’ve become my other half, my best friend, my king, my love, my everything. You’ve swept me off my feet time and time again. Every time You whisper sweet thoughts in my ear I melt inside… Our dates every night in my room over tea are so simple but they mean everything to me. Talking to you completes my day and feeling you smile along with my silly rambles makes me come alive. I know You’re as pleased about us as I am. I feel Your joy when You’re around me. I can sense that You’re happy with me… and Lord, I’m so happy with You. This world, when I look at it in comparison to You, is absolutely nothing. No temporary pleasure can even compare. Your love is permanent, not some cheap thrill. You’re the most real thing I’ve ever known. I love you, God. I love you.

Always will be

Making You my eveything has resulted in the most beautiful experiences I’ve ever had. I feel You with me everywhere I go and I know you’re as happy about this as I am. You’ve changed me completely…I’m a better person when I’m with You. I want to be in Your presence every minute of the day and it’s easier to resist temptations simply by keeping myself near to you. From everything that’s happened to me this past week I realize I’m starting to know what real love is all about. I’m Yours, Lord. I always will be.

From filth to glory

I question my self, Lord, because I know in my depths of my heart and soul, You are all I want. If I had nothing else but You, I’d be happy. if You decided to scrap every plan I ever had for my life, I’d be ready to do Your work. You have my heart, You are my life. I desire You most. I love You most. I yearn for You more than anything else. But then…there come times when I choose my fleshly desires over You.

It confuses me how I could sin against the One I love with every fibre of my being. It makes me angry with myself that I claim to love You, then turn around and partake in the very things You despise. But I can’t help it. I’m so weak. I try to resist, and sometimes I succeed, but sometimes I fail… and sometimes it’s a lot of times.

But despite my actions, I know in the core of my spirit that You love me still. I will never run from You like I used to when I didn’t understand Your grace. It just bothers me that I am so human. I want to be more holy, I want to be more like You, but I’m held back by my humanity… And though your Spirit works in me and transforms me and helps me conquer sins and wrong attitudes, there is still that part of me that will always desire to give in to my flesh.

But despite everything, my King, I love You with all of me. I want more of You, more of Your presence. And, Lord, whenever You extend mercy to me, I fall so much deeper in love with You. You even use my sin to somehow make our relationship stronger. That’s how good You are. You take my filth, turn it into beauty, and then use it all to bring the glory back to Your name. You are magnificent and holy and to be adored. I love You so much.

Too

I come to you again, broken and ashamed
I’m forever amazed by Your grace
I don’t think it’ll ever be easy to grasp
The way You love me is beautiful
How You softly pour Your love onto me
By gently speaking kind words in my ear
My heart pounds in my chest—overwhelmed by You
Tears stain my eyes when You bless me with Your presence
Take my heart, Lord, and keep it for Yourself
I am Yours, my beloved
And I love You too

Yours

I'm here to live out the life You have called me to live, and serve You not the way I think is best but the way You desire. I surrender my hopes and dreams; my reputation and my pride—it's all Yours. Take me by the hand and lead me in the direction You want me to go. Where you say go, I'll go. When You say do, I'll do. My life is not mine, it's completely Yours. You alone, God, are my purpose. You have placed me here for Your glory, and glory to Your name I will bring.