I love Him because He first loved me.

Who was this disgusting fleshly being that I had become? Or more accurately so, that I was. All the King’s glory that once was within me I traded over for quick thrills. There is no satisfaction in any of what I choose over my King but I chose it all anyway. In my mind was engraved the ideas that the poor offerings of the world were capable of filling my glass, yet in my heart I knew He was the only one who can fill it to overflow. My King was patient with me. He had the authority and the power to end me for a wide variety of transgressions, which all were equally as shameful. Yet He had chosen to have grace towards me. I pondered the reasons but my mind couldn’t fathom such kindness for a peasant such as myself. A peasant, yes, was how I had grown to see myself. My greatest talent was begging for mercy, another chance, and dare I say, forgiveness. Stupid of me to even request such things, yet the King offered them up gladly. “I care not what you have done” He said, “I care only about you.”

When I was alone I wept because I was unworthy. But most of all, because I had fallen in love with the King, the very king I continued to wrong. I screamed in frustration to the air demanding how perfection could even look upon me in my torn dirty rags. I was a mess, unclean and always falling. My diseases continued to thrive in me and I wished so desperately to be relieved of them, but they became a part of me.

But nonetheless my King told me He loved me, that He wanted to walk hand in hand with me. It was then my desperate attempt to fix myself began. In my life all I knew was that I loved Him therefore I would clean myself up, I would make myself worthy for Him. I would do anything to be by His side, the only one who has ever loved me.

I cleaned up and people were shocked. I changed my life around for my King. People were impressed and so was I. I had become a sight to see, people began to look up to me. But when I called for my King He was silent. I began to feel worried. He would not say a word. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. I clinged to the memory of when He told me He loved me… I would yell out to him on mountain tops, asking where He was… He never answered.

The wickedness inside me began to seep through. My discouragement led to other things, which caused me to stray away from the One I claimed loyalty to. I could not bare the pain of being alone. I told myself I did all I could and slowly lost hope. As time passed, I stopped searching for my King. I thought of Him throughout the day, knowing He was always going to be my first and only love. But I gave up searching for Him.

One night, a knock at my door. I opened it to see the King. I fell to my knees at the sight of Him. I put my arms around His legs and begged Him not to leave me. “Where were you? Why didn’t you answer me?” I cried and cried at His feet. He looked at me and said “my lovely, I have been waiting for you but you never gave me your hand. But fret not, I am here. You have no need to perfect yourself for I am perfection and I am your King. Walk with me, hand in hand, that is all I ever wanted from you, my dear. The rest will come.”

As I gave Him my hand peace washed over me. I realized then that all I ever had to do was reach out to Him, and He would save me.

Always will be

Making You my eveything has resulted in the most beautiful experiences I’ve ever had. I feel You with me everywhere I go and I know you’re as happy about this as I am. You’ve changed me completely…I’m a better person when I’m with You. I want to be in Your presence every minute of the day and it’s easier to resist temptations simply by keeping myself near to you. From everything that’s happened to me this past week I realize I’m starting to know what real love is all about. I’m Yours, Lord. I always will be.

Depending on God

Despite the fact that King David was a man and a king, I find that I really relate to him so much right now. Like, when I read about him and the things he wrote… I just completely get him. It feels like he is describing my life.

This past Sunday my pastor even preached about him, and he pointed out that King David was a man who was entirely dependent on God. He relied on God and loved God since he was a boy, through good times, through the bad times and even as an old man… So David loved God and stuck with God all his life. He was a man after God’s heart. And even when he sinned in unthinkable ways, he STILL pursued God through his shame and guilt and pleaded with God to forgive him and not take the Holy Spirit—God’s presence—away from him… And so because of the sincerity of David’s heart, God forgave him. (Psalm 51)

So it makes me think, that even when I sin against God, I shouldn’t ever run away from God in shame, but run to God in repentance. I must depend on God through EV-ER-Y-THING.

This sounds like simple stuff, but how many times do we actually remember to run to God in repentance instead of away from him in shame?

Important

In those times where thoughts like 'you're not good enough' or 'you keep failing' come to your mind. When you tell yourself you aren't worth of God's love, and when you're embarrassed or disgusted or ashamed of your actions... It is important to remember that God knew you were going to stumble. He already knew you were going to fail. Repeatedly. He knew you were going to hurt that person, or look at things you shouldn't, or tell lies just to edify yourself, or cheat on your loved one, etc. He has always known your downfalls and He knows you will always have downfalls. He knew he was going to hear the same prayer over and over again asking for His forgiveness about the same thing all the time.

And He still loves you. He still wants you. He still wants to help you and work through it with you. He still died for you, knowing how much you were going to mess up and disobey him. You're not surprising God with your sin. He expects that because He knows it's inevitable. That's why God sent his perfect and sinless son to come and carry the burden and punishment for us. So that we won't have to. So that it's paid for. Because He loves us.

Don't ever let your sin get between you and God, or make you feel so guilty that you're too ashamed to even pray. He's not judging you, all he wants is for you to trust in His love for you so that you will come to Him, even when it's hard for you.

Despite all that we do. He loves us. It's very important to remember that.

Lighthouse

I am not afraid anymore. I am not full of shame and guilt anymore. I have given that all up to You and you have gladly taken it from me. You took away my burdens that you already paid for on the cross. You've washed me of my sins and given me a clean slate. You have declared me yours. Therefore I am Yours, I give myself to you. I surrender my life to you...everything. I have tried living life my way. My way never worked, my way led me to dark places. But you were gracious enough to take me by the hand and walk me out of the darkness. You sanctified me, and replaced all the darkness in me with your light, and you wrapped me in the comfort of your love. You are in me and you made me whole.

Now it is my turn. With the shining light you have instilled in me, I will walk back into the darkness, only this time to reach out to others once like me. I will pull them out of the darkness and lead them to you... I will tell them of what you have done for me. I will testify of your grace, of your forgiveness. I will be a living display of your love.

expectation

"What can I expect if I become a Christian?"

Oh wow, what a question that is. You know, some answers you may get to that might make you want to run away... and to be truthful, I really really dislike some of the answers I've seen to that question in the past.

I've heard how Christians are expected to do this, this, this and that. How we're expected to live a good Godly life, to be an example. That we're expected to have THIS opinion on THAT topic and no questions asked or else you can get up and leave right now.

Well you know what I think you can expect from being a Christian?!

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has compassion on you." - Isaiah 54:10

You can expect to be LOVED!! You will be fiercely loved! You will be loved by Jesus with adoration, and you will be taken care of, and you will be FORGIVEN!!

Now that's beautiful!!! God doesn't expect anything from us! He just wants us to believe in Him and appreciate the sacrifice His son Jesus made on that cross for you! That's all he wants. And it is only when we choose God and fall in love Him that we naturally become like Him. It is then that we live according to the way Jesus lived. GOD'S LOVE and Holy Spirit that comes IN US is what causes us to BE CHRIST-LIKE.

And don't get me wrong, you should live a good Godly life... but the thing is, God's love is not dependent on that. Living a good life should come naturally if you claim to be a genuine Christian. It says that plainly in John 14:15: "If you love Me, you will keep My commandments." And a little further along in verse 21 it continues to say "Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them."

trials

I think when it comes to trials that we go through we ultimately have two choices. You can either choose to humble yourself and rely on God, or you can choose to get mad and push him away.

Up until last year, I'd always push him away, and as a result I would find myself so far from God I barely knew who He was anymore. I believe we go through every situation in order to grow and I believe God gives us tests in order to see how much he can trust us with, how mature we are, how much we can handle, etc. But he doesn't do it in a bad way at all, He tests us to help mold us into who we are meant to be, and to help us build our faith.

It's only in the past year that I've really committed myself fully to God. Where I chose that through thick and thin I will never leave Him, that I will always turn to Him and never against Him. As a result of that, there is an intimacy I've never felt before. There is a trust between us, a bond. It's a beautiful relationship. And as a result of my faithfulness He gives me more, blesses me more, and I am able to receive His love in larger quantities and quality.

Pushing God away is the worst thing you can do, because what are you without Him? He is everything, which makes you nothing without Him. No matter what you're going through, whatever difficult decision lies before you, whatever sin you're living in that you hate yourself for... none of that is a good enough reason to push him away. It's actually all the more reason to draw closer to Him. He wants you. He wants every bit of you, He wants to be the one you count on and the first one you tell when something good or bad happens to you. He wants a relationship with you. He never judges you, never hurts you, always forgives you, always loves you, always comforts you, always looks after you, and He holds your future in the palm of His hands.

"Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?" - Matthew 6:26

So, why do we turn from Him? It is human nature I guess, we inevitably let emotions take control of us. You must train yourselves to choose God every time. It's going to be hard, you're going to want to give up sometimes and it's going to take a lot of faith to continue seeking God through your hardships.

But once you do make the choise to lean on Him, your life will be changed. Forever. So turn to Him. Choose Him under any circumstance. He is waiting to love on you. You just have to let him.

"No power in the sky above or in the earth below--indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:39

purpose

I don't like the message of love Hollywood gives in movies, books, and music, etc. As if without that certain person we love our life would not be worth living. The song that brought this topic to my attention was Bruno Mars' song "It Will Rain":

If you ever leave me, baby,
Leave some morphine at my door
'Cause it would take a whole lot of medication
To realize what we used to have,
We don't have it anymore.

There's no religion that could save me
No matter how long my knees are on the floor
So keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm makin'
To keep you by my side
To keep you from walkin' out the door.

'Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday it'll rain

Love is not obsessive, it is not unhealthy. That is why we cannot allow people to be our validation. Your significant other should not determine your worth. If you make someone your world, your everything, you'll surely fall apart if they ever leave you. People are human, we make mistakes, we can't handle such responsibility. We are not able to hold a person's worth in the palm of our hands and promise not to destroy it, and it's unfair to put that on someone's shoulders.

God is the only one who has the capacity and ability to fill the void and satisfy the longing in your heart. God is the only one who NEVER will leave you. God can take that responsibility. He can hold you up and make you strong. We need Him, and living without him, without his love, is compromising the life we were made to live. We were made to be loved by God. We all want God and crave his never ending unconditional love. Some people may never realize it's actually God they are searching for rather than their spouse or career, or their "purpose"... God is your purpose. And it's so heartbreaking to me that people will look everywhere except to God to find it.

I think Hollywood takes that desire we have and puts its own spin on it, claiming you find it in another person, or in things like money and sex. I believe everything Hollywood stands for and presents to us in any form of media goes against the Christian church. But it's so subtle. The Bible says the world is against us and that the devil will do everything to misguide people, and that people will believe it.

I just think people should be cautious with what they allow to influence them, and be aware of what subtle subliminal messages are being sent to us through the things we watch and listen to.

God is love. If you put your trust in Him, you will find happiness.

dating

I don't know what it is with people these days who just go out and date anyone they find themselves attracted to. I really don't get it. To me, if you are going to date someone, they have to have at least some of the qualities you would look for in a future spouse. What is the point of going out with someone if you have zero intention of anything long-term?

The world will try and tell you that you should just go with the flow and date around and see what happens but I really don't believe in that. I think everything you do, every decision you make, should be prayed about and only when God's will is in line with your heart's desire should you take a step forward into a relationship.

forgiveness

I’ve come to this point where what I realized had me left in awe of the goodness and love and graciousness of God.

No one is hopeless. Even when they’ve done horrible things, hurt people they loved, hurt themselves, hurt God… even if they’ve been to jail for murder. They are not hopeless in God’s eyes. What human can give out that kind of love and forgiveness? Who but God has the capacity for that much love?

I just feel so bad for people who truly believe they are worthless and hate themselves for the things they’ve done…people who are on the brink of suicide because they think they will never be forgiven. If only they knew that God forgives maybe they would regain faith in themselves, faith in God.

There was once a famous Atheist lady who said “What I envy most about you Christians is your forgiveness; I have nobody to forgive me.”

And just that, I believe, speaks volumes. Everyone wants to be forgiven.. And there is a God who forgives ALL things if only we ask, even the things that we humans cannot imagine ever forgiving someone for.

potential

I never wanted you to feel alone, or unloved, or unwanted… It has always made me sad to think that you believe these things about yourself. I see you so much better than you see yourself. I see so much potential in you. Potential that you could fulfill if only you chose to believe me when I tell you you’re worth it. You deserve goodness, and love, and loyalty. I know happiness seems like a distant memory to you, but you could have it back. You simply must choose it.

God's great love

There is something you must know. God loves you. He loves you so much. More than anyone you know can ever love you. And He loves you as you are right now. Your insecurities are irrelevant. There is no condition on His love. Whether you’re overweight or underweight, sick, handicapped, or healthy, successful or unsuccessful, a loner or popular, have a high or low IQ, whether you’re average looking or attractive… He loves you 100%.

There is NOTHING you can do to make him love you more or less. He loves you completely and fully right now, as you are. And the truth is all He wants is for you to let Him love you. It hurts God when you reject Him, not because he needs you, but because He knows how much you need Him and His unending, unfailing, unconditional love.

He is waiting, and he’ll wait until the day you die. There is always hope. No one is hopeless. No body. No matter what you’ve done. To God, everything is forgivable, and everyone is loveable. Choose Him and know that He has already chosen you.

LOVE God for real

If you say you're a Christian and live your life the same way you did before you became a Christian, then how can you say your heart is in it, and how can you say you're a Christian if you live like you don't even know God?

Loving God means desiring a relationship with him, and maintaining that relationship. It means refraining from participating in anything that takes you away from Him simply because you love him, not because you're forced to. It means loving Him for real. Not just believing in His existence.

love, care, pray

There's going to be some people you meet in your life that you have an inexplicable burden for. A soft, gentle, but intense, and unrelenting compassion. You'll do anything for them, be anything they need. You will be the best support system they've ever had, their biggest fan, and the best friend they've ever known... but for some reason you find that they are non-responsive.

I've known many people like this. I've felt this way about various people. I've been that person to care, multiple times. And after a while I've started to realize that, you can care for them and love them so much but at some point if they continue to push you away... let them. Let them go, let them live. But never stop loving them. Never stop praying for them. Care from a distance, because maybe that's exactly what they need.

No prayer is in vain. God hears everything. And God wants to help your friend even more than you do... so He will. And it's not up to you or to God to make your friend accept His help. All you can do is love and care and pray.

research

I encourage people to educate themselves on what's going on in the world. Research before forming an opinion. Do not assume anything. Don't believe something just because everyone else does. Or don't overlook something just because everyone else does. Pay attention to what you're listening to and what you're watching. You never know what or who you're supporting until you look deeper into the hidden meanings of their work.

truth

If we all search for truth and find it, then in the end we should all believe the same thing, for there is only one Truth.

secrets

I like how from the first time I spoke to you, like really spoke to you, I trusted you instantly. There was no need to convince myself, and definitely no reasons to doubt you. I just felt empathy radiating from your very core and I knew that you'd keep my secrets safe and that you knew I'd do the same with yours.

courage

when will i find my inner courage?
within myself i know it exists, it must
is it because i am not ready, that i cannot pluck it up?
or am i just too weak?
will i ever find it in me?
i know i must try, no matter what
at least i must try
to be who i need to be, requires courage
so i will find it, somehow

togetherness

We should tell people when we think good things about them. If someone strikes you as incredibly kind, tell them. If their beauty leaves it's mark on you, speak up and share that with them. People deserve to know that they're noticed. They need to know they're worth our attention, and that simply as they are, they manage to make us smile. We should be building each other up. The world needs people who look out for each other.

you are loved

listen and listen closely, there will never be a time
where i won't care anymore or stop trying for you
how many times, my dear, must i remind you
this love is the kind that never goes away, the real kind
you are forever stuck with my love poured onto you
you will always be the subject of my concern
if i could stop, then it could never have been love

my promise, to you, forever:
you are loved