Choose happiness for yourself.

My mom’s best friend was over and I hadn’t seen her in months. So, she sees me, we hug, and then she compliments my new hair colour but then she says to me “there’s something different about your face” and I said “um, well… I’m much happier than I ever was” and she starts smiling that suspicious smile and continues on “you’re glowing! There must be something making you this happy…” and I responded “well, yeah, actually, God is” and yet I know what she was thinking and then she confirmed my thoughts by asking me who the guy is. I told her there is no guy. That I have changed a lot over the past several months and I am simply happy, in and of myself (with the relentless help of God). And she gave me a look like she knew better and I reassured her that God is the only (and best) man in my life. She didn’t believe me.

And this just struck me. Because it goes to show what the world has conditioned people to believe. The world sends out the message “if you are happy, then there MUST be a guy or girl in your life who is causing it.” When really, that isn’t always true, and honestly I don’t think it should be that way at all.
Happiness comes from within, it comes from yourself. It is a conscious decision you make for yourself. And if you’re unhappy, and you get a boyfriend/girlfriend, then become happy because of them… then every time they let you down, or hurt you, or don’t live up to your expectation, or are disappointed in you…. you wont be able to stand on your own because they are the source of your joy, and they are no longer giving you joy.

It is so important to build up your own joy, your own reasons to be happy. Why would you settle for letting someone else make you happy when you can be happy on your own with or without a significant other in your life?

Don’t let yourself be complete by another person. That is selling yourself short. Plus, it’s unfair to give such a huge responsibility to the other person, as if they could find any way to make you happy when you’re not.

God is bigger than your failure.

So you failed. You failed hard. You failed really hard. You are currently the worst you've ever been. You've strayed away from the you everyone knows, and became what you believe to be some kind of monster version of yourself. You lie, you cheat, you have so much anger and you act on it, you are involved in so much sin, you haven't spoken to God in at least a month.You're just out of control.

Yet all your family, all your friends, they have no idea. So they treat you like you're the best person in the world. They even come to you for advice. And deep down inside you hate yourself and you feel fake but you can't come clean because you cannot risk being judged by people you love. You want them to think good of you. You know you're good deep down, but you're just going through some messed up stuff right now.

You feel ashamed and guilty, you feel dirty. You feel like a mess. You want to talk to God, you want to be back in relationship with God but you don't even know how to get there anymore. You used to be doing so well, you and God were so close and you were so sensitive to his presence and his love. But now, you think "how do I even approach Him knowing what I've done?"

Well, I'm here to tell you that there is no condemnation for those who know Jesus. It says so right here in Romans 8 1-2:

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.

I'll break that down for you. There is no judgement for those who have salvation in Jesus. Before Jesus came and died for us, we were under the curse of the law which we see in the Old Testament which basically went like this: if you sinned, you'd have to sacrifice one of your best lambs and then ask for forgiveness and only then would God forgive you.

But then Jesus came in the picture and because He lived a perfect sinless life, he was the ultimate sacrifice that could ever be made on our behalf. He was perfect and innocent, and He took the fall for us, died a criminal's death....for us... And now because of that ANYTHING you do is paid for before God's eyes. You cannot be condemned for your sins, because Jesus already paid for them.

So even though you're ashamed of yourself and you see yourself as horrible, filthy, dirty... GOD sees you as perfect, blameless, spotless, clean, beautiful, and He absolutely adores you. And all he wants is for you to come back to Him so he could love on you and help you overcome all your fears and insecurities.

We run away from people who we think will judge us and not want us. That is not God. God is chasing after you begging you to just stop and turn to Him so he can show you that He doesn't want to judge you or condemn you, or hurt you, but to simply and wholeheartedly love you.

If you're in a mess, and you feel like you're in too deep. I can promise you that it's not too deep for God. He's already waiting, and the second you open your heart to Him, he's gonna be there with his hand out stretched waiting for you take it so he can guide you back on the right path.

Important

In those times where thoughts like 'you're not good enough' or 'you keep failing' come to your mind. When you tell yourself you aren't worth of God's love, and when you're embarrassed or disgusted or ashamed of your actions... It is important to remember that God knew you were going to stumble. He already knew you were going to fail. Repeatedly. He knew you were going to hurt that person, or look at things you shouldn't, or tell lies just to edify yourself, or cheat on your loved one, etc. He has always known your downfalls and He knows you will always have downfalls. He knew he was going to hear the same prayer over and over again asking for His forgiveness about the same thing all the time.

And He still loves you. He still wants you. He still wants to help you and work through it with you. He still died for you, knowing how much you were going to mess up and disobey him. You're not surprising God with your sin. He expects that because He knows it's inevitable. That's why God sent his perfect and sinless son to come and carry the burden and punishment for us. So that we won't have to. So that it's paid for. Because He loves us.

Don't ever let your sin get between you and God, or make you feel so guilty that you're too ashamed to even pray. He's not judging you, all he wants is for you to trust in His love for you so that you will come to Him, even when it's hard for you.

Despite all that we do. He loves us. It's very important to remember that.

Releasing the past.

Today was not a good day, to say the least. I am a combination of many emotions but hurt and anger are the most dominant.

I recently started restoring my relationship with God, and I’ve been so happy about it. I don’t want to ever go back to that place where the second something bad happens, I become too overwhelmed to pray. I don’t know why people do that, when we need God the most, we push Him away the most. It’s weird. But this time, through my situation I want to stay close to Him and allow him to comfort me. It’s not as easy as just doing it. It takes a lot of effort to let God in. To put away my frustrations and just give them up to Him.

Sometimes I desire to hold onto the things that have hurt me, because they’re mine, and they define what happened to me, and giving them away is scary because it means I no longer have an excuse to wallow in my grief when I’m not having a good day.

I have come to learn that it takes courage to give your troubles to God, and allow him to replace it with peace and joy. It harder to be happy, because you have to choose it. You have to choose to move on, and you have to never look back. But I’ve also learned that God takes care of us. He wants to be there for us and get us to trust Him enough so that we give up our pains and heartaches to him so he could give us a better life, one full of joy and laughter and peace.

So I’m giving up these feelings of hurt and anger that have completely consumed me today. I’m releasing them, and by doing so, I will allow God to fulfill me with Him instead. And it doesn’t mean I will never think of the things that I’m letting go of, but when I do think of them they will not have the power to hurt me or make me angry anymore.

God's great love

There is something you must know. God loves you. He loves you so much. More than anyone you know can ever love you. And He loves you as you are right now. Your insecurities are irrelevant. There is no condition on His love. Whether you’re overweight or underweight, sick, handicapped, or healthy, successful or unsuccessful, a loner or popular, have a high or low IQ, whether you’re average looking or attractive… He loves you 100%.

There is NOTHING you can do to make him love you more or less. He loves you completely and fully right now, as you are. And the truth is all He wants is for you to let Him love you. It hurts God when you reject Him, not because he needs you, but because He knows how much you need Him and His unending, unfailing, unconditional love.

He is waiting, and he’ll wait until the day you die. There is always hope. No one is hopeless. No body. No matter what you’ve done. To God, everything is forgivable, and everyone is loveable. Choose Him and know that He has already chosen you.

LOVE God for real

If you say you're a Christian and live your life the same way you did before you became a Christian, then how can you say your heart is in it, and how can you say you're a Christian if you live like you don't even know God?

Loving God means desiring a relationship with him, and maintaining that relationship. It means refraining from participating in anything that takes you away from Him simply because you love him, not because you're forced to. It means loving Him for real. Not just believing in His existence.

love, care, pray

There's going to be some people you meet in your life that you have an inexplicable burden for. A soft, gentle, but intense, and unrelenting compassion. You'll do anything for them, be anything they need. You will be the best support system they've ever had, their biggest fan, and the best friend they've ever known... but for some reason you find that they are non-responsive.

I've known many people like this. I've felt this way about various people. I've been that person to care, multiple times. And after a while I've started to realize that, you can care for them and love them so much but at some point if they continue to push you away... let them. Let them go, let them live. But never stop loving them. Never stop praying for them. Care from a distance, because maybe that's exactly what they need.

No prayer is in vain. God hears everything. And God wants to help your friend even more than you do... so He will. And it's not up to you or to God to make your friend accept His help. All you can do is love and care and pray.

research

I encourage people to educate themselves on what's going on in the world. Research before forming an opinion. Do not assume anything. Don't believe something just because everyone else does. Or don't overlook something just because everyone else does. Pay attention to what you're listening to and what you're watching. You never know what or who you're supporting until you look deeper into the hidden meanings of their work.

truth

If we all search for truth and find it, then in the end we should all believe the same thing, for there is only one Truth.

secrets

I like how from the first time I spoke to you, like really spoke to you, I trusted you instantly. There was no need to convince myself, and definitely no reasons to doubt you. I just felt empathy radiating from your very core and I knew that you'd keep my secrets safe and that you knew I'd do the same with yours.

courage

when will i find my inner courage?
within myself i know it exists, it must
is it because i am not ready, that i cannot pluck it up?
or am i just too weak?
will i ever find it in me?
i know i must try, no matter what
at least i must try
to be who i need to be, requires courage
so i will find it, somehow

togetherness

We should tell people when we think good things about them. If someone strikes you as incredibly kind, tell them. If their beauty leaves it's mark on you, speak up and share that with them. People deserve to know that they're noticed. They need to know they're worth our attention, and that simply as they are, they manage to make us smile. We should be building each other up. The world needs people who look out for each other.

you are loved

listen and listen closely, there will never be a time
where i won't care anymore or stop trying for you
how many times, my dear, must i remind you
this love is the kind that never goes away, the real kind
you are forever stuck with my love poured onto you
you will always be the subject of my concern
if i could stop, then it could never have been love

my promise, to you, forever:
you are loved

bond

God changed my life, and He changed me using you. Despite the circumstances of your own life, He still chose you to help someone else. Do you see that? That's potential. You are a sinner, and you are struggling, but you are also helping and inspiring.

I am growing so fond of you. You are a precious soul, with a tender loving heart. I am so thankful to God for this bond we have built. Both of us in dark places, yours a blacker dark, but still, he brought us together because it's what we needed. We help each other. Our friendship was meant to happen. We were meant to stumble upon each other. God knew you needed a friend and he knew I needed inspiration and blunt truth. He gave that to me in you, and he gave me to you.

Isn't it incredible, how God matches people up so perfectly? Certain characters with others, personalities that are not the same yet they compliment each other.

We are a work of God's art. And because he brought us together, I will never leave you. I care for you and it pains me to know your current hardship. I have this urge, a need to help you... I wish I could save you, but I'm only human, and this problem is way bigger than me. But I promise I will pray, for nothing is too big for God.

compassion

“You have no idea what I’ve been through” is what he said to her when she asked what was wrong. She tenderly replied to him “no, I don’t but not because I don’t want to, it’s because you never told me.” He looked down and said almost to himself “it’s fine. I’ll be fine. I’m okay.” and she looked into his desperate eyes and said “no, you’re not. But that’s okay and when you’re with me you don’t have to pretend to be.” When he heard her say this, he was so overwhelmed that he put his head down between his legs and began to weep. She walked over to him sitting on the couch and said “I’m here. I will never judge you. Not for anything. Nothing you say or do can make me love you less. I want to know what’s going through your mind. I want to know everything. Tell me.” and she held him in her arms and he confessed, “you’re the first person who ever cared for me like this” and she proceeded to remind him “no I’m not, God was” and all three of them cried together.

Christian Leaders

Christians are not perfect. They go through the same temptations as anyone else, and sometimes, they will give in. But when they do, they are not more wrong in giving in than anyone else is. There is only one level of wrong. There’s no greater sin. People think just because you are in a position of leadership, you must be perfect and if you make a mistake, they have the right to condemn you.

Yeah, sometimes it’s disappointing to see a great leader fall, but it’s even more encouraging to watch them pick themselves up and ask for forgiveness and move forward, helping others more than they ever did before because it’s in those moments, where you realize, yes, they are put on a pedestal, but they are just like us. Human. Imperfect. Striving to live the right way for God.

agape

It's really an indescribable feeling, this feeling of agape love. I am craving more from Him. My entire mind, body, soul and spirit is yearning for Him and everything that relates to Him. He is my missing link. All I need is Him. I have learned so much, so so much in the past week. Just one week! God has given me incredible revelations about Himself and about me.

All I know is I will never let this feeling end. My soul hungers for His word. This is true love. Amazing love. I am so in love with Him. I finally understand the urgency in which I must tell others about my relationship with Jesus, and let them know that they can have the same thing.

I am so full of happiness, love, and gratitude. I know this post is a big mess of declarations of my love, but like I said, it's indescribable... it's too amazing to write into words. All I know is my soul is on fire, I feel so alive in Him.

relationships

God has really been setting me straight these past few months. I've realized so many things He has been trying to teach me. He has clearly had a theme for all the lessons He has taught me lately. That theme was relationships.

Lately, I have been stripped of some relationships. It happened that a few people were removed from my life. I am not talking about one relationship. I'm talking about being hit in every direction. From within my family, to friends, to love interests, and to my self.

Basically, every person I have ever put on a pedestal, God has straight out knocked them off. Not because they weren't right for me, or what they represented was wrong, because that's not the case. I have realized that I trusted in all those different people for guidance. I went to them for advice, I put my faith in them and the only problem with that was that they were not God. We all know God is a jealous God and I was trusting in those people to give me direction, instead of seeking God's help. I neglected to put my faith in Him. Instead, I put it in people.

As hard as this new year has been, I realize the point. God knew the only way to make me realize I need Him and no other, was to allow these certain situations to happen so that He would be able to reveal the truth of what I have been doing to Him, which was neglecting him. It cost me hardships with people I love. Yes, mistakes have been made in the process, I have hurt people, and I was hurt. But we got through it, and everything turned out civil and well. And I now understand that it was all for a greater purpose. After a storm, there's always a rainbow.

My rainbow was the realization of how much my God longs for my full attention, my complete trust in Him and only Him. He wants to be my everything. My comforter, my friend, my provider, my mentor. That complete love and comfort I've been looking for in so many different people, the only reason I never found it was because only God could give it to me.

last memory

i recognized your concern when you asked about my mother. and how it has effected me. i knew you wanted to be there for me... i tried to do what i always did with everyone else, assure you it's okay, that i'm completely fine. but my inability to look you in the eye gave me away. you knew i needed you but would never ask. the truth is, ever since i found out all i could think about is how i just wanted to cry as you enveloped me in your arms. i dreamed of being able to let it out and have you comfort me with your embrace. and when i finally did, i saw the look of sadness in your eyes, and you know what? i'd bet they mirrored mine. it made me feel all right, because i knew you cared for me and anyone else i loved.

light

sometimes it's just so hard to have faith in anyone, even myself. it's hard to keep trying when i see no results. i am glad that i at least have not lost faith in God. i do believe that everything will work out in the end, but it is the present time that i struggle with. how do i deal with what's happening now? it's in our nature to doubt the good and expect to worst...

sometimes i feel so far from God and then i realize that it's my fault, which makes me feel worse. the one being that is abundantly sufficient and i can't even manage to allow Him to help.

why do i have weeks of complete dedication and trust in Him and then the next week lose it all? it must break His heart. i can't even imagine how many times i've broken His heart... that actually reminds me of a song from Hillsongs United that goes "and how many times have i broken your heart, and still you forgive if only i ask" and i think that's just beautiful. He's always there, waiting, hoping, loving, and believing in me. He is the last string that holds me together. He is my light.