Releasing the past.

Today was not a good day, to say the least. I am a combination of many emotions but hurt and anger are the most dominant.

I recently started restoring my relationship with God, and I’ve been so happy about it. I don’t want to ever go back to that place where the second something bad happens, I become too overwhelmed to pray. I don’t know why people do that, when we need God the most, we push Him away the most. It’s weird. But this time, through my situation I want to stay close to Him and allow him to comfort me. It’s not as easy as just doing it. It takes a lot of effort to let God in. To put away my frustrations and just give them up to Him.

Sometimes I desire to hold onto the things that have hurt me, because they’re mine, and they define what happened to me, and giving them away is scary because it means I no longer have an excuse to wallow in my grief when I’m not having a good day.

I have come to learn that it takes courage to give your troubles to God, and allow him to replace it with peace and joy. It harder to be happy, because you have to choose it. You have to choose to move on, and you have to never look back. But I’ve also learned that God takes care of us. He wants to be there for us and get us to trust Him enough so that we give up our pains and heartaches to him so he could give us a better life, one full of joy and laughter and peace.

So I’m giving up these feelings of hurt and anger that have completely consumed me today. I’m releasing them, and by doing so, I will allow God to fulfill me with Him instead. And it doesn’t mean I will never think of the things that I’m letting go of, but when I do think of them they will not have the power to hurt me or make me angry anymore.

Love loves

Love is not something that ends. It just doesn’t. If you truly love someone, it never goes away. Even when they’ve moved on to new relationships, you still love them. Even if they push you away, you love them. When they reject you, you still love them.

All that because when you love someone, you have to learn how to love them right, how they need you to love them. Love is about being there in any and every way that person needs you. It is not dependent on what you receive in return. Love simply loves, period.

I mean, that's how God is with us, isn't it? So shouldn't that be how we are with others?

Lighthouse

I am not afraid anymore. I am not full of shame and guilt anymore. I have given that all up to You and you have gladly taken it from me. You took away my burdens that you already paid for on the cross. You've washed me of my sins and given me a clean slate. You have declared me yours. Therefore I am Yours, I give myself to you. I surrender my life to you...everything. I have tried living life my way. My way never worked, my way led me to dark places. But you were gracious enough to take me by the hand and walk me out of the darkness. You sanctified me, and replaced all the darkness in me with your light, and you wrapped me in the comfort of your love. You are in me and you made me whole.

Now it is my turn. With the shining light you have instilled in me, I will walk back into the darkness, only this time to reach out to others once like me. I will pull them out of the darkness and lead them to you... I will tell them of what you have done for me. I will testify of your grace, of your forgiveness. I will be a living display of your love.